As I have slowly started going out a little more, I've been dreading the comments and questions that may arise. If you are a person who has experienced loss and grief, you will understand what I'm talking about. Today one of those "dreaded" comments hit me like a ton of bricks. I was holding Aiden when a man asked me how old he was, just trying to make small talk. When I told him the man said, "It's about time for another one isn't it?" My heart shattered into a million pieces. This man had no clue what my family has experienced in the past few weeks, and he meant no harm in the statement, but I wasn't prepared for it. All I could do was shake my head and say not right now, then turn and walk away with a lump in my throat. It's in these moments that all I can do is ask God for strength; that has been my prayer over and over and over.
There are so many times that I just feel broken and like a total mess, and the only thing I can get out is "God give me strength." And every time I say that prayer, I feel an overwhelming peace. (I think it's no coincidence that the name that we picked out for our little girl - the very week that she entered into Heaven - is a symbol of peace and grace).
No matter what we go through, God can and will give us the strength and peace we need to get through it, all we have to do is just ask. There are two verses that I have clung to through this heartache - One was sent to me by someone that I look up to and have the most respect for; the other just happened to be the first verse I read after everything happened. They are my go to verses when feel like I can't go on, and when I need strength.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” - Psalms 147:3
“but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” - Isaiah 40:31
We all have "mountains" that we have to climb in our lives, whether you are climbing it today or in 5 years. No matter how big or small your mountain is, God will give you the strength to get through. He will bind up your wounds and renew your strength.
I'm fairly positive that there will be 1,000 more tough questions and comments for us to face, but I know that He will give me the strength I need to face them, even if I am fighting back, or quite possibly burst into, tears.
