My Battle, My Story

 

     I have been debating doing this for some time now, but kept telling myself no; that I didn't need to, that no one needs to know those details. However, the past couple of days as I have been experiencing some difficulties it has been so heavy on my heart to share my battle. If it just touches or raises the awareness for one person that it is worth it! I will worn you though, this may not be the greatest things you read. I will be talking about stuff that most people will not dare to mention. 

       It all started in January of 2012, although now I look back and see many signs of its presence before then. I finally decided to go to "that" doctor because I had been experiencing some problems and wasn't sure exactly what was going on. I just wanted answers, but was scared to death. You see for the past several months I had been having a cycle for over half the month and I felt like I was always hurting. When I went in my Dr. could tell I was a nervous wreck and let me just stop now and say I LOVE Dr. Torrence! She of course asked why I waited this long to come and didn't come sooner, but reassured me that we are going to get to the bottom of this. She did the normal testing, then sent me over for blood work. She also recommend that with everything that was going on, I take a low dose birth control pill to help regulate my hormones, but with me being a new patient wanted to make sure I was comfortable with that. I agreed that I would give it a try if it would help, so she prescribed LoEstrin 24 Fe, which is a low dose pill. After the blood work I was scheduled for an appointment two weeks later to get the results and diagnosis. When I left I felt like I was on the right track, although I was slightly disappointed I didn't get a diagnosis and fix right then.

      When I went back Dr. Torrence thought at first maybe it was my thyroid causing these problems and wanted to check my iron and hormone levels to be sure, but when the blood work came back, they were both normal. She wasn't quite sure exactly what was causing these problems so I was sent over for an ultrasound of my cervix and uterus. Now, you have to put yourself in my shoes... I had just turned 20; this was only my second time seeing the female doctor; I was still adjusting to being a "grown up" and doing things on my own; I had never had to have an ultrasound before or any further testing; and not to mention my parents were very protective of us so I had no clue what to expect. I felt so alone in that moment and was completely freaking out on the inside, but trying to hold it all together. I still remember telling myself not to cry, not to show my fear, that it would be ok. Little did I know what type of ultrasound this was going to be and what was yet to come. As I sat there waiting and waiting it seemed like the longest time. Finally I was called in and she started. The ultra-sound tech was absolutely wonderful. She talked me through everything and was so gentle with me, as she could tell I was a nervous wreck. Then the unexpected happened... She stopped and said she needed to go get Dr. Torrence that she would be right back. At this point the lump in my throat started to form, and you know what I'm talking about. That painful lump you get when you are trying with all your might not to cry, to simply hold it in. They both came back in and started talking to each other, I didn't know what was going on and was screaming on the inside. Dr. Torrence finally began to explain that there was something blocking my ovary, at first they couldn't see it at all, but once they moved the wand around they finally saw that it, however there was a mass blocking it. She was unsure of exactly what this mass was, and wanted to schedule a CT scan to determine the exact size and to identify it. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My head was spinning with ideas of what this mass could be. I got in my car and broke down. All I could do was just sit there and cry. I finally calmed down enough to start making calls. I tried to call my mom, but she was in class, so I left her a voice mail to give me a call as soon as she got done. I then was attempting to call my dad when Chase called me. I explained to him what was going on and he of course made me feel better. He calmed my nerves and reassured me that it would be ok, that everything was going to be fine. When I got off the phone with him I called my dad to explain to him what was going on and that I didn't know when it would be done, but that as soon as I knew I would let him know. Then my mom called me back. For those of you that know my mom know how she is... a mama bird! She wanted to know exactly what was going and wanted to know every detail and possible outcome. Her response was I'll call Mrs. Sabrina (she works at Ladies First and is a family friend) and see if she can tell me anything else. After talking to them I had finally gained my composure enough to drive the long hour drive back from Dothan. My mind still going 90 to nothing. 

     The next few weeks were so stressful. I am the type of person who has to have answers. I am always asking questions trying to understand everything. I had been on web-md, google, and any other medical website there was trying to find the answer. My mom had mentioned the possibility of endometriosis, but I thought no that can't be it. I had been praying and even began fasting for what the results would be. I wanted answers, but did not want the answer to be more than I could bare. I kept praying that it not be cancer, telling God that I want kids one day and that this just wasn't fair. I began to question God and ask why me. When the day finally arrived I was so unsure of if it would hurt, what it actually was, or what I'd have to do. Thankfully, another family friend is a radiologist, so her and my mom were texting back and forth explaining what it would be like and what I needed to expect. I got there and they gave me this awful chalky water to drink, which I now know was the dye. I was supposed to drink 2 bottles, but could barely finish the first. After what seemed like an eternity, they finally called me back for the scan. Once the scan was over I was sent home and told that my doctor would be contacting me to schedule an appointment for the results. 

     
     When I went back to the doctor, the results showed nothing, except two small cysts on my uterus. I was relieved to hear this, but at the same time I was still confused. I kept asking myself what is wrong with me. How could I go through all of this and be in this much pain and it be nothing. I just didn't understand. My doctor kept talking and looking through my folder. Finally she proceeds to tell me that the best option at this point is to move forward with a laparoscopy, that she believes I may have endometriosis. She began explaining the procedure to me and how I would feel afterwards. She stated that if it wasn't endometriosis that this procedure would give us more insight as to what steps we would need to take next, and that through this they would be able to see exactly what is going on in my body. I agreed to proceed with it and we went a head and scheduled the surgery. Thank goodness Lauren went with me that day, or I might would have burst into tears right there. 

     It was long before my surgery day arrived. I woke up trying not to think about what was going to happen as the day continued. I don't remember the exact time I had to be at the hospital, but it was early. I wasn't there long before they put me in a room to prep. Once they gave me my nausea medicine (I don't do well with anesthesia) and the nurse tried her hardest to find my vein (I always the best experience having deep, thin veins... Not), it was all a blur. I do remember that the nurse who rolled me back to the OR was named Yvette (my mom's name) and right before she took me in she said that she just felt like she needed to pray with me and she asked if that was ok! That meant the WORLD to me! She didn't know me, but she could tell that I was scared and that I was a christian. I was then placed on the OR table, where the lights went out. 

     I woke up just as they were rolling me into my outpatient room. I have several funny stories about coming too and being in that room, some of which are not appropriate to tell. My dad had to go back to work, My mom had just left to go get lunch (since they had been there all morning), Chase was at the studio, so I came back to Vanessa until Mom got there like a minute later. When I first saw her I kept trying to lift up my head to look at her but couldn't because of the anesthesia, which was pretty funny. She of course laughed at me though. When my mom got there the nurse was checking all of my gauze and making sure everything was good, she asked me did I need anything. My response was when can I have some pain medicine. ;-) She said I had to eat before they could give me any medicine, so I simply told her that I needed something to eat and drink then. I still didn't know the results of the procedure and didn't think I would find out for a couple of weeks, until my mom said that they had called on the outpatient phone and told her that I did have Stage I endometriosis, as well as, a cyst that they extracted. I wasn't quite sure what all this meant for me, but I was glad and at peace to finally have the answer to my problems. Vanessa drove me home, since I couldn't drive and since I hadn't eaten in 24 hours, we had to stop to get my favorite weakness as a post-surgery meal. 

     The next few days (and weeks really) were hard. If you have ever had surgery where they go in through your belly-button, you know the pain, if not be glad! It makes every movement difficult and painful. (You really don't realize how much you use your stomach muscles until you can't) I am fortunate to be surrounded with so many people who love me and helped to take care of me during the healing process. (My in-laws even had my favorite flowers waiting for me when I got back ;-))

     My post op appointment was the following week with my doctor. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect when going, but I was finally at peace knowing I had my answer. She began to explain endometriosis and what happens in your body. She decided to put me on a higher dose of birth control and prescribed pain medicine to help ease some of the discomfort. She checked all of my incisions, told me to come back in 4 weeks for a check up, and I was out the door. It has now been over a year since my procedure. I can't tell you how many times I have been to the doctor in the past year! I have swapped birth control medication 4 times now, trying to find something to "help". It has been a frustrating process, yet an encouraging one as well. Through all of this, I have grown so much in my walk with Christ. I have learned to have faith that he is my healer, even if that means I don't get healing immediately, and that he promises not to cause me harm. I knew all of this before, but it puts things in a different perspective when you have to rely and stand on those promises. 

     Now, you may be like me before my surgery, and don't know that much bout endo... That's ok, many people may have heard of it, but have no idea what it is or the symptoms of it. Endometriosis is a condition in which endometrial tissue that normally lines the inside of the uterus (the endometrium) grows outside of your uterus or pelvic region. The tissue continues to act as it normally would as if it was inside of your uterus; it thickens, breaks down, and then sheds, causing bleeding. Because the tissue has no way to escape it becomes trapped, causing the surrounding tissue to become irritated, and eventually causing scar tissue possibly even adhesions. This can cause pain and cramping in the lower back/abdomen, painful urination, painful bowel movements, pain during ovulation, pain during intercourse, painful menstrual cycles, constipation or painful bowel movements, abdominal bloating, heavy or irregular bloating, migraines, or fatigue. The most well known symptom, how most women are diagnosed, is infertility. 

     There is no known cause for endometriosis, although they do believe there is a hereditary link. Of course with no cause, there is no cure for it either. There are treatments to control the endo, including; hormone treatments, laparoscopic excision surgery, hysterectomy, pain killers, diet and nutrition.   The only way to confirm and diagnose endo is to perform a laparoscopy to "look" at the uterus.  An estimated 176 million women worldwide have endo; 8.5 million alone in North America. Yet endo remains misdiagnosed, misunderstood, and ineffectively treated, even though it is one of the most prevalent causes of intractable pain, hysterectomy, and infertility among women. Because we are so often told by society not to talk about the symptoms and problems involved with endo, many women suffer in silence, not knowing what is wrong. 

 

     For me, endometriosis is not only a disease, but a fight! Most days I am in pain and struggle to make it through the day. On average a woman with endo misses 11 hours of productivity a week due to the pain and fatigue associated with the disease. I'm not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me, but I feel like there needs to be more awareness for this disease for girls like me. 1 in 10 women have endometriosis, but only 30%-40% of those women are unaware of it. 

     

     I'll leave you with some cute e-cards I found on Pinterest and thought I would share. They made me giggle. ;-)

I've also included some links with more information, if your interested in doing more research!! :-)

http://centerforendo.com/endoq&a.htm

http://www.endocenter.org/