Thy Will...

Thy will be done... That is something that I'm sure many of us had prayed, sang, and trusted in. Thy (God's) will be done. What does that mean? What is God's will?

Here is what the bible says about God's will..

1. "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

2. "Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen." Hebrews 13:20-21

3.  "Be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is." Ephesians 5:15-17

4. "You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." Hebrews 10:36

5. "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that be testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

It's even in the Lord's prayer...

6. "....your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven..." Matthew 6:10

This is what Jesus said was his will, his purpose...

7. "For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day. For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day." John 6:38-40

So what is God's will? I believe that while we do have the choice of free will, each of us have a certain "purpose" on this Earth. We have to make the choice to fulfill that "purpose" or "will".  The first choice we make towards fulfilling His will for our lives is whether or not we will choose Him. His will is that His children love Him and seek Him. Without Him, we are nothing. There is no "will" or "purpose" without the Sovereignty of God.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength... Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:30-31

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6:33

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13

The very first thought I had, after coming to the realization that our Olivia was gone, was "God, how can this be your will." In my mind, in that moment, God had taken away my baby girl. He had crushed my hopes and dreams. Throughout this process of grief and healing, I have often repeated that same question. I just don't understand how this can be a part of His plan. How can God allow us to hurt this much? I have read so many scriptures, testimonies, blogs, and several devotions and still haven't come up with an answer. I don't think that we will ever truly understand why this happened on this earth, but we can have hope. We can lean on God and trust that his will is the best. He is Sovereign. He is God and I am not... He is the God of miracles... His life is flowing through my veins... He has given us promise after promise, and he will not fail us. 

"God is our shelter and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not be afraid." Psalm 46:1-2

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

"To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory." Colossians 1:27

"Do you now know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you?" 1 Corinthians 3:16

By clinging to God's promises, we feel safe and secure, protected, and led. He is our refuge. In Him, we can find comfort. We can find peace. We can find strength. We can find true joy and happiness again. In Him, his will, will be revealed. 

I stand before You now

The greatness of your renown

While I don't have all the answers, and still don't understand why this happened to us, I do see the affect it has had. It has been through much prayer and studying, that I have realized that God did not take away my baby girl, He saved her. As much as I want Olivia Grace here on this earth with me, she is in heaven. I'm sure if she had the choice, she would choose to stay there, and I couldn't blame her. She will never experience the kind of heartache that I have, she gets to live in heaven for eternity with our Savior. She drew the big straw, she gets the better end of the deal. Her life has purpose, and has brought so much joy to our lives. She has changed us. And I like to think that she is helping God align the path for our family. 

I have heard of the majesty and wonder of you

King of Heaven, in humility, I bow

A few days after the passing of Olivia Grace, Chase got an unexpected email. Before everything happened, we had been praying about God's will for our lives and family. We wanted more out of life. We want(ed) so bad to make an impact for the kingdom, and it just didn't feel like we were doing that where we are. We talked and prayed about whether or not we felt like this opportunity was something that we wanted to pursue. At first, I had so many emotions and was broken about it. (I was already broken enough without adding anything else on top of that.) It seemed like this was the perfect opportunity, but I didn't understand why now. I was scared. I was scared that if we made any decisions, that we were choosing to move on, and I wasn't ready. I was not ready to "get over" the fact that I had just lost a child. Now seemed like the most unconventional, and worst time for God to start answering prayers. Especially, when we just cried out to him a few days ago to make our baby girl move. In my selfish mind, I felt like if He was going to answer any prayers, it should have been that one. If you can't tell, I was mad at God... I felt like this was all His fault. I kept thinking, "How am I supposed to pray about a decision that could ultimately separate me from my baby girl." If we stay where we are, we are only 10 minutes away from where she lays "sleeping." It was during all of this, that God broke my heart even more, but in a totally different way. My sweet, loving, Godly husband snapped me out of it... And I will never forget his words... "This is going to make you cry and it is going to upset you, but I have to say it. She is not there. Her body is there, but she is not, and you know it. No matter where we go she will be with us. We will never forget her." He was right, and the flood gates opened. He said I couldn't let fear of leaving because this is where she is buried stand in the way of what God wants. He said we didn't have to make a decision right this second, but made me promise to pray about it. I sat on my couch, holding Aiden, crying and praying most of the afternoon. 

As Your love, in wave after wave

Crashes over me, crashes over me

I didn't pray for an answer, I just prayed for peace. "If this is your will, give me peace." That's all I wanted. That's all I needed. Peace. Remember from my previous blog, Olivia means a symbol of peace. :-) While I was crying out to the Lord, basically begging for peace, it was like a wave overcame me. 

For You are for us

You are not against us

God can give you unexplainable peace. Before all of this happened, I struggled with anxiety almost daily. I have anxiety attacks, which are easier to hide, but make me feel like I'm dying on the inside. I usually just work myself up to that point, and I have no idea why. So, having peace is always something that I've struggled with. Not that I don't trust God, I've just let fear get in the way in my peace. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm off of all anxiety medicine now, because I am not, but I can tell you that I have more peace now than I have ever had. God has used everything that has happened to work on certain areas in my life, and this is a big one! 

"The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace." Psalm 29:11

Chase text me and asked if it was a thumbs up or thumbs down on my end, because he needed to know what I was feeling. I sent him a thumbs up. I had my answer, and the reassurance I needed from the one who holds the future. I still had a lot of questions, and some fear, but I had to trust in God's will, and that He would work everything out for us. 

Champion of Heaven

You made a way for all to enter in

While we have prayed over every position we've ever taken, this one was different. The prayer and thinking that went into this decision was more than any other. Our life is different now. For one, we are moving for the first time with a child, but we also just had to bury a child. My fear was that people would think that we were taking this position to try and run away from what happened. I told Chase before we left for our visit, that I was scared people would think or say that. And some have... As much as I wish there were, the is absolutely no way to run from the pain of losing a child. It is not something you can run or get away from. That child is always with you. Olivia will be with us no matter where we are. {Call me what you want, but every time I say that or think that the song "He Lives in You" from The Lion King plays in my head. (I admit that I am a Disney Junkie and have an obsession with all things Disney, and am proud of it.) But, it's the truth! Just change He to She...} This decision was not a spur of the moment decision, because of what we were going through. This decision has been prayed over, thought over, and we have sought out the Lord's will.

I have heard You calling my name

I have heard the song of love that You sing

It is no secret that we LOVE Disney, but our love for Disney goes further than just Disney. Every time we've gone to Disney, we have fallen more in love with the area and location (Orlando). During all of our prayers and seeking, we have talked about and prayed that God would put an area on our heart. When we began praying for our ministry, and where God might lead us next, we wanted to not only have a heart for the church, but also the city. This was something that we had never prayed before. Before, we only focused on the church. While the church is so very important, we believe that you also need a heart for the community. How are you supposed to minister to the community, if you don't have a heart for it? 

So I will let You draw me out beyond the shore

Into Your grace

Your grace

When we took our last trip to Disney in late May-early June, it was just Chase and I. We talked about how we both such a heart for that area. We also talked about how amazing it would be to do this all the time, to be able to raise our kids there. It was only a few days after we left, that the shooting happened in Orlando. We both literally ached for the community. To us, it almost felt like "home." 

You make me brave

You make me brave

You call me out beyond the shore into the waves

I say all of this, to show you that God will give you the desires of your heart. He will bless you far more than you've ever imagined. In all of our pain that we faced, we never imagined that on opportunity like this was waiting just around the corner. When it didn't seem like it, He was listening to our prayers. He was preparing us for His ministry. 

You make me brave

You make me brave

No fear can hinder now the love that made a way

We went on July 22-25 to "try out" and formally interview for the position. I say "we" but ultimately it was Chase. We both fell in love with the area, the church, the vision, and the possibilities. It was everything that we had prayed for. The church is in Altamonte Springs, Florida, which is just outside of Orlando... It is approximately 30 miles to the entrance gate of Magic Kingdom, according to google maps. ;-)

I like to think that Olivia had a hand in this move and opportunity. Everything has lined up perfectly for us. We had initially planned on getting involved in a support group that is located in Montgomery, before we decided to take this position. They take summers off, and start back in August, so we were having to wait until they started back with their monthly meetings. We have recently found out that there is not only a huge support group for people who like us, have experienced the loss of  infants, but there are also a few people in the church who have a very similar story to ours.

You make me brave

You make me brave

No fear can hinder now the promises you made

As much as we would have never chosen this path of grief and loss, it has completely changed our lives and our ministry. There are so many people that we will now be able to connect with and show the love and grace of Christ, that we would have never been able to minister too before this. We are so excited to see what God has in store for us, and for His ministry. He is making me brave, and calming all of our fears. He is still working and changing me, for His glory. He is continually revealing His will for us. Seek Him, and you will find Him.

Look out Disney, here we come!! :-)

https://youtu.be/6Hi-VMxT6fc