A New Beginning

You may read this title and automatically think I'm talking about the move... But, I'm not. When something traumatic happens in your life, such as loosing a child, you basically have to start over. It feels as if your identity has been wiped clean, and you are a completely different person. Lately, I've been doing a lot of studying on my identity.

Through waters uncharted my soul will embark

I'll follow your voice straight into the dark

Before we lost Olivia, when someone asked me who I was (my identity) I would reply that I live for my family. I am a mom and wife before all other things. I am a Christian, a daughter, a sister; I am me. When you lose someone close to you, there is a before and an after. There is a distinct difference between the two. It's almost as if your life stops and restarts. It's hard to remember what life was like before the pain of the loss, especially when it is your child you are grieving. My problem before, was that I was building my identity on things of this world.

And if from the course You intend 

I depart

Speak to the sails of my wondering heart

If you look up the word identity, it is defined as who someone is; the quality or beliefs that make a particular person different from others. Our identity is found in the distinct characteristics that set us apart from everyone and give us worth. Our identity is based on what our heart craves and loves the most. This is also what motivates and moves us.

Like the wind 

You'll guide

Each of us want to matter and to take our place in the world; we want to know why our life counts and what sets us apart. We all have a need for a significant identity. While we all have this need, we also seem to at some point in our lives have an "identity crisis." This is because so often, we build our identity on things that move - things that aren't dependable or constant.

Clear the skies before me

And I'll guide this open sea

When we try to find our significance and worth in ourselves and others, we will often find ourselves disappointed, upset, and hurt. We are an imperfect people; without the right foundation we are worthless. We have to build our worth on something that has value.

Like the stars 

Your Word 

Will align the voyage

In 1 Samuel 16:1-13, David receives a new identity. He goes from being a keeper of his father's sheep, to receiving the anointing of God in a moment. In verse 13 it says, "the Spirit of the Lord rushed upon David from that day forward." Each of us share the destiny and calling of David; we too have been rushed by the Spirit of God, and will rule as the sons and daughters of God. (Ephesians 1:11-14; 1 John 3:1)

And remind me where I've been

And where I am going

 If we allow our worth and significance to come from something so solid and eternal as God, we don't have to pretend when we are imperfect. We don't have to try and manage our image or pretend we are okay, when we are really broken. God's grace changes everything in defining who we are. 2 Corinthians 4:7 says, "But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us." Christ's Spirit is the treasure inside of our broken life, he is moving and working in us in powerful and unique ways. Each jar of clay is shaped differently to hold His Spirit for different purposes. Each jar has unique marks, cracks, and broken places; but through these places, God shines through. The places where we feel most vulnerable in our identity, are the ones that are the most useful to God. He uses these unique places to show His glory.

Lost in the shadows amidst fear and fog 

Your trust is the compass that points me back north

When our value, self-worth, and identity comes from God, it can't be found in how we measure up. So whether you feel worthy or ashamed of your brokenness, know that it is God's character that gives us worth, not our own. We have been saved through our faith. (Ephesians 2:8-9)

Jesus 

My Captain

My soul's trusted Lord

All my allegiance is rightfully yours

We all have an insane calling, and an insane identity; we just have to accept it. We have to choose to build it on the right things.

Like the wind 

You'll guide

For me, this is a hard thing to do. There are so many times that I hide behind Chase or even Aiden. I look at their callings, ministry, and lives and think that there is nothing that I can do to compare. However, we can't compare our calling or identity to others. We all have a unique identity, purpose, and calling.

Clear the skies before me

And I'll guide this open sea

For so long, my identity has been based on other people. Before marriage, it was my family, then it was my marriage, then it was Aiden. When we found out we were pregnant with Olivia, I suddenly felt like I had a new identity to step into. I was going to be a mom to two under two. I started studying and researching how I could be a better mom to both of my children with both of them being so young. When we found out Olivia no longer had a heartbeat, that all came crashing down. It was as if my "clay" was thrown up against the wall. Everything suddenly changed in that moment.

Like the stars 

Your Word 

Will align the voyage

My identity now includes that I am a grieving mother. That includes the days that I dread facing. The times that I have to go hide in the bathroom because of a melt down. The things that trigger a memory that suddenly sends a spiral of emotions. The times that I just want to lay in bed all day and cry. It's a part of my identity that will always be there, and I am learning how to cope with. But, through this new identity comes a new ministry.

And remind me where I've been

And where I am going

This means that I am constantly broken, and there is no way to rebuild my new identity on anything except for Christ. It is through Him that I am able to face the hard days. He is the only thing that is constant in my life, and that has never been more clear than now.

Jesus 

My Captain

My soul's trusted Lord

All my allegiance is rightfully yours


https://youtu.be/dfhy8COCrEc