A Rainbow Promise

When my sister sent me this picture this afternoon while she was visiting Olivia's grave, I just glanced at it and thought it was a sweet reminder. I didn't spend too much time thinking about it because:

1) As we get closer to the 25th (our due date) I am getting more emotional and upset.
2) I already had one break down today after ordering flowers for the grave.
3) I was somewhat busy, getting ready to attend a class.

But as I got in the car to leave the class I felt a small tug on my heart telling me to look at this picture one more time.

You can barely see it, but it's a rainbow. In the bible, the rainbow is a sign of God's covenant, his promise, and also a description of His Glory.

"I establish my covenant with you: Never again will all life be destroyed by the waters of a flood; never again will there be a flood to destroy the earth. And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, 15I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life."                                                            Genesis 9:11-15

I have been struggling with so much anxiety, fear, uncertainty, hurt, and pain not only from losing a child, but also over our future. The future of our family. What does it look like? How do we move on in life knowing our baby girl won't physically be here. What happens when we are ready to continue growing our family? Will we be able to have the big family we desired? What if we lose another child? The questions, the worry, the uncertainty goes on and on.

For us, losing Olivia was the flood. On July 2nd, the waters came crashing in, and our lives changed forever. I've said it in so many of my previous blogs and posts, but it is like life has started completely over for us. When Noah stepped off of the ark, the world as he knew it was gone.  Everything that wasn't on the ark was destroyed by the waters. Everything that he knew was gone. It was as if he had to start life over. I read the best description in another blog, that I reposted on FB a few days ago... We live in a B.D. (Before Death) and A.D. (After Death) life. There is a very distinct difference between the two.  For us, the world around us is the same, but we are different. Our view of the world is different. Our future hopes and dreams are different.

But, we have hope. We have the reminder of the promise God has made to us, to never flood "the earth" again. When I went back to the picture I knew that this was God's promise to us. He will never flood our life again. Will we go through trials and more heartache? Yes, that is a part of life and God's way of refining us and making us more like him. But, I know that He's got us in the palm of His hand. He is holding us. He is guiding our path. He will never let the flood waters becoming so overwhelming that we drown.

"Like the appearance of a rainbow in a cloud on a rainy day, so was the appearance of the brightness all around it. This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the Lord."                 Ezekiel 1:28


When it's dark and gloomy on a rainy day, there is nothing that cheers you up faster than a rainbow. It gives us hope that the sun is coming out. The rain is over, the storm has passed. Sometimes more rain comes behind the rainbow, sometimes it's days or weeks before another storm hits. But, you can always look forward to seeing that rainbow at the end. For us, this "storm" may be never ending, but there are breaks and glimpses of The Ultimate Rainbow. We feel God's presence all around us. He is constantly moving in our lives. Paving the way for us. Putting the right people in our lives. Comforting us when we need it. And always loving us. His light is shining ever so brightly in this storm that we face. He is there every step of the way. He is there. He knows and sees my hurt. And today, I felt like He was giving me a reminder of our promise of a future. He will be there guiding our every step.

You may have heard the term "Rainbow Baby." This is a baby that is born after loss. I feel more confident now, that one day, in God's perfect timing, we will have a rainbow baby of our own that is hand picked by our precious Olivia Grace.