We don't know why things happen, but we trust God has a purpose and plan for our lives. I posted a blog a few days ago, sharing some of the promises that God has given us, not knowing what the next day would hold.
On January 5th, we had our first appointment with the high risk doctor that would be taking our "case." The appointment started with going over our medical history, followed by an ultrasound. As the nurse began to perform the ultrasound, I knew something was not right. After three pregnancies, you know exactly what to look for. The nurse's facial expression changed, as she fought to hide back tears before saying she was going to get the doctor.
When the doctor came in, he began to perform an ultrasound. He moved around a little before turning on the heart rate monitor. We knew that there was no heart beat before he did anything. He didn't have to say anything, we already knew what he was going to say.
The doctor gave us a few minutes before going over the details. Because of how far along we were and the fact that I was on blood thinners, we had to go through basically the same process that we did with Olivia, it just wouldn't be to the same extent. He wanted me to wait until the next morning for us to come in and be induced, so that the Lovenox could have time to get out of my system. He went over some of the details of my history and talked us through what was going to happen next. They gave us instructions on checking in to the hospital, and were very comforting during everything. We left, once again, broken-hearted.
The call came at 7:00 AM Friday morning that our room was ready. Thankfully, we had family who already had plans to be here this weekend, so they took Aiden with them while we went to the hospital.
We got to the hospital around 10, and finally started the induction process around 3 pm. At 6:10am on January 7, 2017, at 13 weeks, our 3rd baby was born. Because it was so early in the pregnancy, we were not able to determine if the baby was a boy or a girl, but thanks to testing, we will know in 1-2 weeks. They took a lot of blood samples and will be doing further testing on the blood and placenta to see if we can determine a reason as to why this happened medically.
During this process we have felt so much love and true empathy. People have not only said they love us and are hurting with us, but actually shown that they truly do care and are hurting. We are so thankful for the calls, texts, prayers, and love shown to us. We have felt strangely at peace throughout this whole process, and I truly believe it is because of all the people interceding on our behalf.
We know that this baby is with our precious Olivia Grace, in the arms of Jesus. While it hurts and is so painful, we know that God has got us. He has not left us, or forsaken us. He will give us the strength to get through this. He has given us a hope and a future. The promises that he has given to us in the past year still hold true, even when we do not see how. He will heal our broken hearts, and make us whole again.
Losing a child is never easy, no matter how long you carried the child, it hurts the same every time. During all of this, I've felt like we've had two options: 1) To dwell on the fact that life sucks, and begin to question God and allow anger to set in for God "allowing" this to happen not once, but twice; or 2) To turn to God and allow Him to comfort and hold us, and allow Him to pick up the pieces. I believe that God is a sovereign God, and that he is going to turn all of this around for His glory. Even though it does suck, and we are hurt and broken; He is going to pick up the pieces and turn it into something beautiful.
While we were meeting with the doctor, we spoke a little bit on the future, and what that will look like for our family. He believes that there may be something more going on in my body, and wants to do further testing, when we are ready. We are believing that we will get answers and closure.
We know that there will be a day where we will get to hold all of our babies... and on that day, we will never have to say goodbye. We have a hope for a future.
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